"Don't forget that I love you and know that I am always thinking about you. Because you're the most wonderful girlfriend any guy could ever want and I'm lucky enough to say that you're mine." - Chris.
Yeah, I would say we are doing pretty good, Jose. :P
Posted at 01:54 am by epicheartbreak
Well, things went good with Chris last night. He sent me an e-mail saying he never wanted to argue with me again and that he was going to do whatever it takes not to. And we didn't argue. Not once. It was so nice. But I have to honest, somehow things still felt different. I don't want to say this...I've been totally avoiding it because it's like if I say it, it will become true: I feel like our relationship is coming to an end. This won't happen because I can't let it happen. But I hate it. I wish things would go back to normal, that things wouldn't feel so weird and that I wouldn't feel so far away from him emotionally. I almost feel like I'm falling out of love with him, which is not happening. Ack...I need to go. I shouldn't have made this journal. It's just making me more upset.
- Erin.
Posted at 08:31 pm by epicheartbreak
I started this journal because my boyfriend can see my other journal which is normally okay, but now it's not. I feel bad for doing this, for feeling the way I feel. He hasn't been the best boyfriend lately, and he doesn't listen when I tell him that. It's hard to explain, and right now I don't really feel like it. But, he's been a jerk lately. He goes off on me, uses all these bad words with me when he gets pissed (which, he's never done before). I mean, he used to just fall apart when I started crying. Last night, you know what he told me? "Get over it." Yeah, and HE was the reason I was crying. Once, a long time ago...probably about mid-October of 2002, we were arguing a lot and I said, "You're turning into a bad boyfriend." It really bugged him because nobody has ever called him that before. I didn't really think that at the time, I just said it to get a rise out of him. But now, now I really think it. He kind of is. I can't tell him that because even when I try to tell him, it's just me. It's my fault. I take things the wrong way. I don't do that with anyone else though, and it's awful funny that I'm perfectly happy until he makes me unhappy. I can't see how it's my fault. I really can't. Yet, I sit there and take it because I have no choice. I love him, he's knows me better than anyone on this planet, and I can't lose him. If it that happened, I don't know how I could handle it. It's like, my mind only sees up to him. If it's over, I don't see my life after him. I will never get over him, I already know that. I've planned my whole life around him. I'm so stupid for putting so much faith in him, I know, but he's never given me a reason not to.
It almost hurts me to even think about him anymore. I have to start thinking about other things because I have no idea where our relationship is going anymore. I keep feeling like it's going to end and I can't think about that because I need him too much. I need him more than anyone. Argh. I don't know. I need to go.
- Erin.
Posted at 10:53 pm by epicheartbreak
